I’m five months out of twelve through on my alcohol free year and I’ve discovered something big. The sad reason most people would never consider to quit alcohol. It starts with the benefits of alcohol.

Frustration, stress, grief

These are all very human emotions which we are bound to feel from time to time. As a people - we’ve long known having a drink is something that can alleviate our suffering. Despite that, this month I learned a big lesson from this alcohol free year. It may provide you with a very good reason to quit alcohol.

It’s cheap, convenient and automatic.

I must have learned of the alleviating properties of alcohol when I first started drinking. One of our friends had a fake ID and a bunch of us would go out-of-the-way a bit, in a local park.

Everyone quickly became exaggerated versions of themselves, louder, happier. In my head, I connected alcohol with release. Release from all the problems that a teenager could have. Naturally, I was far too clever to directly say that…

alcohol is medicine.

But it was in a way. Why do I party much bigger and louder when I drink compared to when I don’t? Because I forget all the troubles weighing me down. It’s not hard either, buy this, drink it and problem solved.

It’s good to forget.

Five months in, I had my first urge to drink. I’m currently working on a big project of mine and there are ups and downs. There are many new things I need to learn, one of them is how to behave.

I’m very good at pushing myself. Discipline is a good skill to have. But taken to the limit it can drive us nuts. I was asking too much of myself, having more daily to-dos than I was able to handle. I was burning out.

I need a drink.

That will relax me and get all this pressure off me. But I can’t. I’m doing an alcohol-free year. I had no where to go but sit in this burning shed and face my demons.

Sweep it under the rug.

I was stuck in the corner, taking hits. Hits I needed to take. That showed me a part of who I am. I’m good at being hard on myself and I’m bad at being easy on myself.

It was the spark that taught me something about myself. I need to practise in being more relaxed with how I work. To learn, to not always be asking the world from myself. It was a very clear message and acting upon it may be another story, but when something like that comes from within: I know I can trust it.

The first instinct I had, when faced with a part of myself I did not like, was to go for a drink. Unable to do so - I had no other option but to look pain straight in the eyes and come to terms with it.

A case against

I once had the idea that the subconscious is a place where we can push back the pain we are facing. Let it figure things out.

The last year at Uni is the most challenging. On one Friday night I drank a bottle of Tequila by myself and went out with the gang. On the Saturday, I woke up to my room re-decorated in the worst possible manner by my own biomatter. After several hours cleaning I started my day as usual by going to the library to study. By all expectations, it was absurd how great I felt! I walked through campus like I got lucky with a girl last night, rather than as if I’ve been to the laundrette two times - which was the actual case.

What I took from the experience is that it’s a positive thing to get shitfaced once in a while. There’s also a social aspect and comradery which I won’t dive in to today.

Thinking back to that time, I now wonder, if there was a missed opportunity to learn something about myself.