What if every setback is part of the process of you achieving your ultimate success? What if in hindsight you are grateful for the failure.

From my own experience of putting significant work towards the achievement of an important goal, I’ve seen how setbacks can be a good thing.

What built this resilience is times in my life when I did not get what I wanted, and how in hindsight that was the best thing that happened to me.

I want to share with you three specific examples so you can:

• See the work that went in

• Appreciate how bitter the failure was, and then finally

• How lucky I was for that initial failure

Perhaps you will develop a greater faith in your process from reading.

Welcome to the real world

The third year at uni was focused on applying our studies to the real world in an internship. It was up to the students to find one. We were given plenty of time to prepare but the studies were demanding. I chose to focus most of my efforts on getting the job in the gap between finishing the semester and the expected start. There would be more time pressure this way. I should be starting the internship in line with the beginning of the new school year. In October.

Going somewhere new

At this point I was aware of  how much growth I can experience from living abroad and I was keen to repeat the challenge. A place that came to mind was Australia. I had never been there before and it was an English speaking country. Let’s face it, the idea of beaches, sun and surfing probably steered me a little too.

I was certain about my chances. I had many jobs under my belt and I knew how to craft a good CV and cover letter. My degree was also unique, specialising in technical knowledge of film and video engineering so I expected it to provoke interest.

I started applying properly in June. “Production house Australia” was my Google search. Provided the companies were in the main cities and had a good showreel, I would send them an email. Quite quickly, I was getting replies which filled me with confidence. Nothing concrete yet but I had the sign that what I wanted was possible.

I scouted places and sent applications full-time, from nine am to six pm. No job yet. Once I did all the big cities I started looking at smaller ones. Still, no job. I remember I searched “video production house” on Google Maps and checked everything that came up along the east coast.

By July I had reached a milestone. 100 emails sent. I had three “Maybes.” Time was ticking. I didn’t expect it to be so hard. I shared my disillusion with my stepmum and she told me off the cuff to try Singapore. Apparently they welcome internationals. At this point I had heard of Singapore once. A classmate of mine had been there and said they had really good fake Ralph Lauren shirts. It’s not Australia but at least it’s warm.

By my third email I received a reply along the lines of: Get a visa then we’re flexible with when you start, so take your time finding a place.

Livin’ la vida loca

After a lot of hoping and finger crossing, I got my visa approved by mid August. The next step was finding a place to live. 

It turns out that getting a place in Asia while you’re currently in Europe, is a bit challenging. Agencies expect you to take a look at the flat (and to screen you, in case you're a serial killer) but that’s impossible when you’re 10845 kilometres and 10 time-zones away.

After meeting with so many rejections or lack of replies, my standard really started to go down. I started applying for rooms that were:

• further from the office

• smaller

• with worse conditions

• more expensive

I traded my eight hour days of applying for jobs to eight hour days of applying for accommodation. It had been a few weeks. I lost count of applications but surely in the hundreds by now. If you ever need some, I’ve got plenty of housing agency contacts on my WhatsApp. 

For whatever reason there was a lady with an add on Gumtree, who got back to me but I put off replying. We’ll call her Sharon. I did not like the way Sharon looked in her profile picture. I was probably dissuaded from her not looking like a part-time model with a professionally taken photo (like the housing agency workers did).

Down from the hard work with no end in sight, I talked about Sharon with my stepmum, who in turn persuaded me to reach out to Sharon by telling me that in fact, her picture shows she is dressed very finely, with taste. My fashion sense let me down. I had judged a book by its cover.

I got back to Sharon and she agreed to have me. Thank heavens! It was a Christian home however, so I would not be allowed to bring any “friends” over. My libido would have to cross that bridge later. Overall, it was a big relief. I booked a one way ticket to Singapore for 400 pounds.

There weren't a lot of comms between me and Sharon. I wanted to build a relationship with my future landlady and told her my flight date.

Then she cancelled on me. Turns out her son (who moved out) was not comfortable with his old room being rented. What, why?! He doesn’t even live there! At this point it’s mid September and I was exhausted. To top things off I had the added pressure of having to find a place before my flight at the end of the month. Then something remarkable happened. 

Showing a truly virtuous character, Sharon felt guilty and put the work in to find me a place. Wow. Amen, as they say. The offer was recently published so I couldn’t have found it earlier. On the 12th of September I signed my contract for the room.

I levelled myself up professionally, made friends for life and fell in love

Although it wasn’t Australia, without a doubt, my experience in Singapore was what my soul was looking for. I learned a lot about myself from a culture different from the European one (the only one I had known well at this point). To be alone and independent so far away from home gave me the confidence that I could thrive anywhere.

I lived in a three story house (which is rare in Singapore as most people live in apartments) with four other expats from around the world. The place had a family vibe which was really important, what with being on the other side of the world. The house had marble floors, my own bathroom and most importantly for me, a few metres from my front door was a pull up park.

The commute to the office was an easy one. The company I worked at was perfect for me. Some of my colleagues would go on to set a permanent positive example to me. I managed to perform every role on and off-set which gave me the perspective I needed to pick what I'm going to do once I graduate. 

I am very lucky nothing came from the other jobs or apartment applications. I suffered a lot for not getting anything sooner. In hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise

The graduate

The roles I felt most fulfilling were camera or lighting. They had long hours with irregular start times but were creative and far from a desk job. Once I came back from Singapore I finished the last year at Uni and graduated in June. I spent most of August creating an impressive portfolio. Along with my final year projects I had gathered up a significant showreel from my work in Singapore. It was my final year by then so I knew my chances were good to get a full-time job in either role.

This time, I held a tried and tested method:

1. Decide what you want

2. Send emails out like crazy, and the newly learned;

3. Be flexible with the destination

I had an inkling on Vancouver because it had a big industry. I read that it was close enough but a lot cheaper than shooting in LA so productions often shot there, instead. The city had great nature too and was English speaking.

But I had also learned my lesson. If I was not getting much feedback I tried anywhere else that was sunny or provided a good quality of life. Portugal, Spain, some more Australia.

The pandemic didn’t help either

I had gotten a few “Maybes”, most notably from an excellent DP in Vancouver. However he could only take me on as a trial but it was too big of a risk for me to go all the way there without knowing where my money will be coming from.

You know the drill by now. I made it my full-time job to find a full-time job. As the applications got sent and the ratio of replies were getting worse, I expanded my search scope. I was now considering even the UK (which I was trying to leave). I had a few successful freelance jobs but nothing that would get me out from living back with my parents. Which was challenging.

After four years of independence, being 27 and being back to living with my family wasn’t good for me - even if I have a great relationship with them. After three months and 72 applications; I made my priority to just move out of home first, then focus on going abroad later. The thinking behind it was that it might be easier to get a job in the UK first, then once all this covid stuff relaxes, to move abroad. My applications changed focus from camera and lighting to videography. Slightly less interesting for me but there was more demand.

It’s now mid November. Three months in. The most recent interviews I had were:

• Creating short form video content for an Instagram stock trading guru. The videos were to be shot in portrait orientation (I’m not a fan), and I also didn’t get the best feeling from my would-be boss. 

• Videographer for a dentist office in Southampton. White walls, lots of reverb, shooting extreme close ups of people’s teeth. 

I was hopeful that I could find a way to make them be positive experiences, but at this point I was quite desperate and exhausted. Now December I had still not loosened the intensity of my search.

An old boss of mine invited me for a beer. I thought 

On the other hand, I had exclusively been working this whole time. I need some fun, social stuff too. I expressed to him how bad it’s going and he said 

I had been there before to visit a close friend of mine and I was charmed at how liberal the city felt. 

He mentioned that there is a Netflix series coming up and they are looking for someone to support the IT behind it. I had my reservations. All this time I was looking for a role in camera or lighting. It wasn’t long before I saw this opportunity as the light at the end of the tunnel and I got in touch with my future leader.

Not getting what I wanted

Without a doubt, the job I had in Berlin was EXACTLY what I was looking for:

• a different environment in a foreign land

• working with amazing people, world-class at what they do

• a project that was new and exciting (and fairly paid) 

I was the right man for the job. My strengths in production and IT complemented the role perfectly while the challenge pushed me to grow. When the series was eventually released, it was rewarding to be able to talk to family and friends about it.

Berlin is also a lot more cosmopolitan than Southampton, too. Yet Berlin wasn’t a place I ever considered. It wasn’t an English speaking country. It isn't sunny either. Although I ended up working in the industry it wasn’t how I imagined it at all. 

And yet, still perfect.

This role was not available in August when I started applying for jobs. It’s not possible for me to have it then. I’m very grateful the videographer interviews did not work out. What seemed like a massive five month slog was the best thing for me, keeping me available until the thing I wanted most was ready for me too.

Put the work in, stay open minded

These were the most interesting situations I’ve had where not getting what I thought I wanted was a good thing. 

The lesson I learned is to keep diligently working toward my goal, because setbacks might be another form of success. With my limited perspective, I am unable to judge whether on the grand-scale of things, what is happening to me is a good or bad thing.

This sets me up for a much easier choice; do the work or don’t do the work.

Certainty is getting what we think we want. Uncertainty might bring you something beyond your wildest dreams.

Your time

• Do you recall any times when you dodged a bullet by not getting what you wanted? 

• How could the uncertainties you are facing now be part of the perfect expression of your desire?